Do You Know who YOU are? If Not what you can give another is limited. “You need to be angry to play well , so I’ve dropped you to get that response” -England youth coach to a player
“Anger is an emotional reaction that impacts the body. A person experiencing anger will also experience physical conditions, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline or noradrenaline .Some view anger as an emotion which triggers part of the fight or flight brain response .Anger is used as a protective mechanism to cover up fear, hurt or sadness.” I never forget the phone call. “I’ve been dropped for the semi final” a horrible feeling, many have had and part of how you deal with that is just the litmus test for whether you survive such an unforgiving industry. However, I always FELT as a player that the confusion lied in either :-
no explanation as to why
A “peace keeping” avoid confrontation explanation
or like this example above one that cripples you into confusion.
It’s so dangerous , coaches , leaders and teachers who lost their ability to FEEL. Somewhere along the timeline of their career it became to painful to keep FEELING so they stopped. You see it’s not hard to stop but once you turn your back on your soul and your feelings it becomes impossible to walk your true path. “I’ve told him about my back all tournament” – him “ I know you have , and they won’t scan it or let you see a chiropractor?” – me “ no they just tell me it’s tight”- him “ I’m just so confused why does he think I need to be angry I just want to play.” – him “ I’m sorry mate, this is the career, coach after coach you’ll encounter in this industry won’t understand what it takes to be you , who you are, you have to be wise to understand who you, and they have to know who they are, it’s Called INTIMACY. IN-TO-ME-I-SEE” – me “ remember when your representatives were desperate to start work with me, I said I don’t know yet I needed to sit with you and see if you have the stomach and what it takes to go on this journey, the god given desire to get kicked in the teeth daily but keep getting up and moving forward toward your destiny. I said I wanted to sit with you alone and know WHO you are. We did “ – me “ I Remember” – he said “ it was clear in 10 minutes you have everything. You cry yourself to sleep sometimes you said, you think about football all day, you watch it all night. You are in LOVE. But through poor human coaching of you and not being understood it’s turned from, LOVE TO NEED From genuine love of the game to an obsessive clinging, it’s needy , without it you feel nothing as a person” – me “ you aren’t lazy. You don’t need to be prodded with a stick till you get angry. I played my career on anger. I had 13 red cards and over 100 yellow. My anger? Being misunderstood” – me “ just understand me I wanted to scream”- me “ I know I’ve got everything, I see players ahead of me that can’t touch me” – him “ I know mate, this for me is a case of the back, there’s an issue I could see it when you saw me the day before you flew with the team. I said tell them you need a scan or a chiropractic view as physios haven’t specialised in this area nor have I” – me They lost the game. He came on and made a big impact. He flew home with the squad , was assessed and there was a fracture in the back. A length period out was ahead. Like ALL humans he will and does respond from a place of understanding and love NEVER fear or anger. Anger is a fuel that will run out and needs false circumstances to re create it of injustice is not at play. I used to have to “create “ painful emotional scenarios to “find performance” when all I needed is love.