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Why Love Matters #MasterYourInnerGame



Since the beginning of time, Love has been the most fascinating and enigmatic of human emotions. There’s not a scientific study out there that can truly explain it. I believe today we are in a world that’s getting more and more about proof, evidence and research. The scientists are taking over in most part due to FEAR. Faith is playing second fiddle. I spent most of my playing life in fear, fear of failing, fear of a mistake, fear of getting dropped, fear of pretty much everything. Working in football my whole life I’ve seen such changes, the introduction of elite academies, a centre for excellence with a limitless budget in St.Georges Park, a coaching accreditation programme from level 1 to level 5 and the Pro Licence but still I feel we are far away from an understanding of why love matters. Fear and Love can’t live in the same house. Pep Guardiola, is hailed as a master coach.I have no judgment on that, who am I to. His results across his career show that he clearly is outstanding. I feel genuinely sorry for those who say at Barcelona he had the best players, as it’s a huge task to mould, stimulate and motivate those guys. Yes, he set them up tactically and prepared them physically…. AND THEN WHAT. Then he showed them love, warmth and an embrace. As humans we all NEED love its a basic requirement, we need to feel wanted, we are pack animals, we need to feel part of a family. I believe Pep loves himself. He’s at ease with himself emotionally, he’s authentic and has great Emotional Intelligence. I think we are all afraid of showing and communicating love, through the fear of rejection, but Love builds security. In humans insecurity many times comes from not having our innate love needs being met early in our life. Many footballers came from broken homes or maybe their parents generationally didn’t know how to show love. love was seen as weak but its the greatest sign of strength. He dresses well. he is in good physical condition, Apparently, he’s a stickler for great diet, the self-care and self-love means he can love others. As a 1;1 coach today I’m very aware of loves role. I paid a big price for Fear dominating my soul. It was only post-playing and doing Ph.D. level work on myself that I could learn to love myself and know myself. I worked through all my fears, my feelings and my destructive behaviours. Like the physical work I do 4 days a week today to keep in fit physical condition, I also match it with work on my emotions so I can remain in fit spiritual condition. As I’ve got busier and busier over the last 8 years I think its reflection of the fear-based world we live in, I knew it when I retired, I had seen over 10 psychologist’s during my career more science-based thinking. It was In the sporting chance rehabilitation clinic where I started to repair and rebuild my broken spirit, it was black with fear and I had become a control freak over working over thinking, over-scrutinizing in hope of working it all out. in hope of finding my lost self. Through a desperate need to lower the odds of failing, data and science is slowly murdering the instinctive, creative spirits of so many talented individuals. I’m always amazed at the people who in private are affectionate yet can’t show when people are watching, for me, there are unresolved fears at play, there’s a fear of seeming weak or how they believe weakness is perceived in society. I qualified to assess and solve physical dysfunction, 9 times out of 10 I have to try and rebuild poor physical foundations to prevent this complete inconsistency physically. Unchecked our emotional system is the same, poor foundations or damage will lead to inconsistency and if you’re the leader then that will infiltrate all those under your guidance. I will finish with saying how does it FEEL to be cuddled? held? kissed? loved and appreciated? For me it feels warm and nice and safe, when I’m safe I can be myself without fear of rejection. Real men can love and express themselves. If you feel uncomfortable then go and get some emotional therapy the same way as if you had discomfort in your knee joint you would seek a physical therapist because……. LOVE MATTERS…

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